Too many times ones life is filled with the focus on what could have been. Yes, there is much that could have been, good or bad, in the past year in all our lives. In fact, I could list things that could have been this past year in my life. My wife could have been a widow. My children could have been fatherless. My desk where I work could have been vacant or filled by some one else. My house could have burned. My dog could have died.. I could have been taller and so on and so forth. I could go further and say the sky could have been green and the grass blue , that cows bark and dogs say moo. The point is not that all these things could have been. Rather, we should be focusing on what things could be. Paul said in his letter to the Philippians chapter 4 verse 13 that there was one thing he did. The one thing that Paul did is what many in life never do. The one thing is forgetting those things which are behind and reaching for the things that are before. Now, this is not to say the past is ignored, because much can be learned from the past. It does not imply that we are to be only futuristic. What Paul is saying is that we are to focus on what is before us that is to say what is in front of us. It is the now that is important. It is not the could have beens or the would have beens. It is the what could be that is to be our focus. Paul also wrote that he was pressing toward the mark of the high calling of God. He was not referring to the finish line as many suppose. His reference was to the daily race he was running. It was the Christian walk he was walking that he is trying to encourage the Philippians and us to focus on each day. As I approach the 50 year mark in my race I understand the temptation of just looking back. I have been told that as one nears their senior years that we only have that of which to look back on. In the light of scripture, I have to totally disagree with that statement. In fact, the Bible says, “he who takes hold of the plow looking back is not fit.” Yes I know the pace gets slower and the steps not as high but we are still in the race. There is still much to influence in the now. Don’t focus on what could have been. Don’t focus on what might possibly come. Turn your focus on what could be in the light of what is. Each time a New Year comes we are encouraged to have a time of reflection. A time of reflection is not wrong but to focus on it is. To focus on reflection is like looking in the mirror in the morning to make sure you are ready to leave for work but never leaving the mirror. Or furthermore, it is like constantly running to the mirror throughout the day to see if anything has changed. This doesn’t make for a very productive day or a productive life. Let me suggest another term. It is a musical term of sorts. The word is inflection. Inflection denotes modulation or tone brought into the musical piece. It can also be used as a tool in public speaking to impact the conversation. What I want to suggest is that we not only face the now of our lives but that we set the tone. Let us not live in reflection of what could have been but with inflection on what is. Set the tone for today. Impact with inflection! I once heard it said ‘we have all the time we have.’ Live each day not as your last but as your first. Yes, there may be heaven in 2011. Will we be found faithful?
As we enter the “season of giving” ones focus begins to shift to what is to be sought, bought and given to those we love. With great anticipation we search for gifts that are meaningful for those who mean so much to us. As I allow my mind to navigate back through the year here at Angelic I pause as if at scenic overlooks to see some spectacular gifts laid before me this year. Of course, to just be here this year speaks about the gift of life.[PTL!] I saw a young man come in chains and witnessed him being set free from chains of steel and chains of sin the same day. This was the gift of salvation and freedom. We witnessed the same young man reunited with his mother after seven long years. Then, another man who came to Christ and began a journey to be the father to his children and husband to their mother God has intended him to be after years in prison. These were gifts of restoration. Yet, another gift was unwrapped when a man with grown children and young grand children began to work toward being the positive example they needed breaking the cycle of dysfunction facilitated by his own father. This was the gift of hope! I watched as a mother who came to one of our midweek services. She came for discernment in prayer to decide if she was going to call in on her drug addicted, abusive son. Our ‘boys’ gathered around and laid hands on this mother and encouraged her to do the hard but best thing. The gift unwrapped that day was not for this mother but for the mothers of our men that saw the one who bore them in this woman. Even those whose mothers had past away or abandoned them loosed the ribbon on the gifts of forgiveness and healing that day as prayers were offered, calls were made and letters were written. We at Angelic Ministries believe and witness that there is Christmas all year long. These are just a few of the gifts we have seen paid for by our Lord Jesus, wrapped in the Holy Spirit and sent by the greatest giver of all. “for God so Loved the world that He GAVE”. He gave us spectacular gifts this year. Would you like to come join the party!? Please consider us in your giving this year. May you and yours experience the most blessed Christmas as we all rejoice in His Unspeakable Gifts!
In the 10th episode of the TV series Heroes the title is Six Months Ago. It goes back six months [duh] to describe how each of the characters received their ’special’ powers. It is set to bring the audience up to the present day in their premiere episode. Now, stepping back into reality; there was also a six month period of time in history set in Paris in 1919. It has been labeled six months that changed the world. It came on the hills of WWI and the events of that time were supposed to end all war. It was the Paris Peace Conference of 1919. As we all know it didn’t work. Soon to follow was WWII and many to come. It even seemed as if the restructuring of the world at that point only bred destruction, distrust and disillusionment. Now, you may ask; ‘ what in the world does that have to do with this blog? ‘ Well, it has been six months since a battle occurred in my life but only one hero has emerged. Of course, all of you have become dearer friends and my family has become stronger knit. My oldest daughter has gotten married my middle daughter is planning a wedding and my son is now neck deep in ministry . My wife is still the rock and we both are enjoying the time together. Oh, my health? Nerve healing is coming along with about %80-%85 progress. Can’t spit, pucker, or whistle yet but am pleased with progress made. I am exercising each day. Now up to 2 1/2 miles three to four times a week down to 179 lbs only 9 away from my targeted 170 lbs. Still stumble some in the dark and zero hearing in my right ear…[for now]. As I thought about six months ago today, I remembered the feeling of getting things in order to leave the place I love to take those I love to a place many miles from home. My thoughts then were focused on six months from then. What would it be like? What changes would there be? Things have certainly changed in our nation, our city and in my life. I do have a new appreciation for some things I used to take for granted and a renewed faith in a God that is an always present God no matter what we may go through. Good to know that Jesus said ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you, Ill go with you to the end of the age.’ Guess that covers six months, doesn’t it? Love you all
Hello dear friends! I know I have not blogged in a while and I appreciates your reminder calls I am two days away from the 2 month mark post surgery, so hard to believe. I am continuing to improve in all ways and praise our Heavenly Father in all things!
I have thought much about what it would be like to find myself without some things; I have even tried to write about some of those. I have thought about losing sight, touch, smell, taste and now I am experiencing what it is like to lose half of my hearing. I wondered how much that would affect me. It’s not just no longer being able to hear complete conversation that concerned me. The truth is we all would agree that much of what is said now days isn’t worth hearing anyway. What has concerned me is how this loss of hearing and the temporary loss of feeling on the right side of my face would affect my ability [ as limited as that is] to play or sing the music I love so much. Music to me is an outlet of praise and sometimes even one of stress relief. When I play or sing I do so very much by ear and hearing is very important for that I must admit it is very difficult right now to hear myself and another instrument especially if I am playing that instrument. All that being said, I was pretty nervous to give it a try last week; when I did a dear friend of ours recorded my effort and I have decided to share it with you. There is a song that is especially dear to me that expresses one thing that I would never want to be without. The title is “Were It Not For Grace”. Some of you may not know the artist of that song, Larnelle Harris. He has written many wonderful songs like; No Wonder They Call Him Savior, He Loved Me With a Cross, The Father Hath Provided Again, He Paid Much Too High a Price and many more. The first concert my wife and I attended as a couple some 27 years ago was his! He is an amazing singer and song writer! The main message in this song and the main thing I never want to be without is Grace! I looked at the men at the CMJC Graduation last Friday night and saw the difference grace makes. It was such a blessing for me to try to sing this song with the wonderful assistance of my dear friend Dirk Wellington at the piano, and once again be reminded that, Were It Not For Grace I can tell you where I’d be, wondering down some pointless road to nowhere with my salvation up to me. What a difference Grace makes! Thank you God for Your saving and healing Grace!
Spring is around the corner. Therefore, it would be appropriate to write about April showers or May flowers and be a poet I guess. I could go on for a while about the birds and the bees and how they build their nest. What I really want to communicate about Spring is what it represents. To me Spring represents another chance. After the dead of Winter has come and gone, the sap in the trees resurrects and the buds peek to see if it’s time to bloom again. Spring is coming! All of us know what it means to have a second chance and some know about more than seconds. Some need a second chance in a marriage. Some need a second chance in parenting. Some just need a second chance in life in general. The scripture tells us that life is like a vapor that is here then gone. It is like the grass that is green one day and burned the next. It can be hard to get everything right the first time but one life here is all we have. Just in the past few months I have experienced what many would call a second chance on life. Not so much a second chance on life as a second chance to look at the life I have. Though not as life threatening as it once was the procedure I had done was very serious and definitely made me ‘consider my days’. When I left my home in January, I wondered if I would ever see it again or see it the same ever again. I wasn’t afraid, I just wondered. Through God’s mercy and grace I came back home after several weeks and pulling into my drive way I knew I was blessed with a few more years and another chance for one more Spring. Now, I am blessed beyond measure in this life. However, there are many that are not as fortunate. The reason Angelic Ministries exist is to help those that are not as fortunate. These are they who need a second chance. Not just a change of clothes but a change in their life. For those in our community who think we exist for any other purpose need only to ask those that we minister to. They will tell you that we do far more than ‘hand out’ stuff. Some in our city have it as their agenda to intimidate us and try and force this wonderful ministry out of our city. We are an ‘eye sore’ or a ‘blight’ to the more fortunate in the community. To them, we stand in the way of progress and profit. Little do they know that though many come from the street to us for help, many more come to us to stay off the street. There are those who come straight out of prison with no place to go but the street but we catch before their release and give them the second chance they need. These individuals do not spend one night on the street thanks to Angelic Ministries. All year long, in every change of season we are the Spring in so many lives. Please help us continue through the Good Lord’s help to be the second chance that so many need. You’ve had one or two I’m sure.
It is February 10, 2010 one month and four days post surgery. I can hardly believe it has been that long. My progress has been nothing short of miraculous. I finished vestibular [balance] therapy in half the time than was prescribed. I drove for the first time since some time before surgery this past Saturday. Still working with the eye and trying to get the right side of my face to work with me. I know in time it will come around and soon everything will be back to ‘normal’. I know that may not be to appealing to some who know me but I will take it as a blessing.:0) The lack of activity has caused me to be a little more rounded than I was before so I will have to work on that. Just started back at the office on a part-time basis this week and it is great to see all my Angelic family and friends. Still much praise and glory to the Father and thanks to all of you who I know are still praying and deepest thanks to a very patient and caring family. When we left last time I mentioned the eye doc appointment and something that happened there. Some of you may have experienced this but I have not. The Opthamologist counted my tears! Of course you know what went through my mind when this was taking place. Many of you have shed many tears for many people over many things. Some weep in private, others very publicly. Some in silence, others audibly. I know my family has seldom seen me weep. [Except my wife when I was on the steroids] Regardless of how, where or why you weep, please know there is someone who knows and cares.I am reminded of the message that God sent to Hezekiah that He had heard his cry and seen his tears. David said; Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book? We should all be encouraged to know that our Father knows what makes us cry. I remember a song that Dotty Rambo wrote entitled; Tears are a Language God Understands. Now I’m not talking about whining or whimpering. I am talking about weeping when we are hurt, when we have lost, when we are discouraged, when we are afraid and yes even when we have sinned. I was once told that my heart should be broken by the things that break my Father’s heart. I know many times that I have broken His heart and have wept before Him. There are many more times that I look around and see many more things that still yet break His heart. Like Jeremiah, we say; Oh that my head were waters, and mineeyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people! Oh,He knows the reason behind each tear my friend. He knows if it is at the hand of someone else or if it is a self inflicted wound. He also knows if it is on behalf of someone else. Don’t be ashamed of those tears. Shed them with purpose ….to touch the heart of your Father. Love always..Bro.Tony
Hope this post finds everyone safe after our second ‘major winter storm’. Not as bad as it could have been but still pretty dangerous to try to get around in. Most will not be able to attend church this Lord’s Day but that doesn’t mean we can’t worship. I am encouraged at the times we have had to construct our own little sanctuary to worship be it at the hospital, away from home or snowed in there. Our Father can be found and will meet with us outside the church walls. I am not advocating that we ‘forsake the assembling of ourselves together’. I am, however, suggesting that we don’t confine Him to a building to be worshipped. Remember , El Bethel, which is the God of the house of God, is the one to be worshipped and He is so worthy!!
Day by Day and Step by Step God is restoring all things. It has been a difficult week is some ways but more blessed than anything. The difficult part was that my sweet wife had to start back to work. I know this was very hard for her, even though she loves her job. Gwyn has been by my side night and day since Januray 1st. I couldn’t have asked for better care and a more compassionate caregiver. Hard to separate after being around each other 24/7 for that long. She also knows I have to be watched very closely to follow doctors orders. No worries, I promised I would be obedient and patient. To help with that I have been taken under Sgt. Neuberts’ wing. I think he was hired to ‘watch’ me. Thanks Jim for all the transportation you have given me to my appointments and your company while bored out of my mind!
I began vestibular physical therapy this week and after the assesment, the therapist said I had progressed to the point that most people are after a couple of weeks of therapy. Then during my first full hour of therapy, he said, ‘I am struggling to find something for you to do next’. I told him I had two fathers that had a lot to do with that. My earthly father was a builder and along with him and three brothers, we built houses together most of our lives. Walking the little blue line on the floor was nothing compared to walking walls 16′ above the ground. The doctor told me he has had folks with two good eyes and ears that didn’t do as well as I was. I also have a heavenly Father that has steadied me my whole life. Without Him we all stumble as in the dark, groping to find our way. I am reminded of that when I have to close my eyes and do certain exercises. Just as the therapist is there to steady me when I begin to sway, my God is always there to steady until I regain balance! I just loved that thought! God speaks so loudly in so many ways and walks of our lives. Another good appointment this week was with the eye doctor. He said if the neurologist is correct in his prognosis then I won’t need anything done to the eye. PTL!! I feel I am steadily having improvement on my right side and feel it is only a matter of time and healing to see that complete again, until then, “Patch” will remain my new name. Something interesting happened while at the Opthamologist, he actually counted my tears. Gonna let everybody think about that one until next time. Love you all, Bro. Tony
All praise once again to my Healing Father! My arm is feeling much better today and we are so thankful! I would much rather focus on my rehab and getting stronger then to be thinking about what would be the next step for my arm! I have to confess, although I try hard not to, sometimes my prayers can be very selfish, and I can just hear HIM saying, Tony, Tony, Tony, fear not, remember I am with thee, no matter what, til the end! And He is for you as well! If you don’t know that for a fact or have any concerns in your life presently in regards to that, I would love to meet with you or talk with you, anything at all that I could do to help you strengthen your faith would be a joy to me!
As we have reflected on the past few months, we are truly humbled by the faithfulness of our Heavenly Father. I think that statement, though not taken for granted, certainly can’t be said enough. Did we ever doubt Jehovah-Jireh or Jehovah’s Saloam? I think not!! “Praise and Glory in the House!” Gwyn and I have the task to somehow express our appreciation to those who have walked along side us. How do we thank so many for so much? Let me begin with thanks to Angelic Ministries Int. and Trinity Hills and all their partners. Not only has Angelic and Trinity allowed us the time off work but have also given us loving support that was essential to us mentally and emotionally. I must say, I don’t believe anyone prayed any more sincerely than our little Angelic/Trinity families.[G.A.G] The calls and prayers that went up on our behalf from the staff and residents at Trinity Hills Senior Living Community was an amazing source of strength to all of us. We don’t have the words for the love that we have for all of you! And I could never thank the corps of ‘volunteer’ staff for stepping in with countless hours of care for our ‘boys’ (amazing men!)at Angelic and to carry on in meeting the needs of those families in crisis in and around our city. Of course, it’s no strange thing that Mike and Betsy Fraizer would weigh in with their support in every way. That is who they are, two of the most amazing people I have been blessed to have in my life and the life of my family. (G.A.G.) Along with them were other Angelic partners like Fellowship Church, Stock Creek Baptist, and other individuals at the ministry and elsewhere that poured there hearts to us to help meet various needs. Because of your love offerings before we left, we were able to stay in safe, healing conducive housing. We were able to eat nourishing meals.(Thanks everybody for the Starbucks cards….there was one every three hundred feet.) We were even able to afford gas to get back and forth to docs and actually see some of God’s beautiful handiwork. As before mentioned it was a family that we could never say thank you to enough that made it possible for all five of us to fly there and back; that would not have been possible were it not for their generosity and giving hearts. I know and want to respect the fact that many of you handed us money prior to our leaving and wanted to do so anonymously; please please know how much it was appreciated and will never be forgotten. Both rental cars and three different places of lodging were covered thanks to the generosity of so many of you; no surprise at all it was the exact amount needed! May God bless and bless and bless you for your faithfulness to His bidding. Last but never least our dear ‘flesh and blood’ families that checked in on us daily and prayed without ceasing. Also, I must admit that we were given a $50.00 bill and a $5.00 bill that each came with their own precious story. We have passed on the $50.00 to a person that God revealed to us was in a greater need than we were and I hope God allows me to keep the $5.00 for the rest of my life, as well as the note that came with it, as a constant reminder of His love, care and provision that is beyond beyond! (right KK?) (G.A.G.)
There is so much more I want to say, but fortunate for you I am once again out of space. I will post same time next week and share with you the progress of my therapy. Please continue to keep my recovery in your prayers as I promise to keep each of you in mine.I love you all.
“Full Circle” was felt at its finest as we drove into our driveway late Wednesday night. There really aren’t words to express the joy of being home. My faith in my Father did not waiver, but I did pull out of that same driveway the morning of January 2 hoping and praying he would indeed allow me to see it again and He did. I have a ways to go, beginning next week with the start of vestibular rehab, but I am at least drinking from a straw now without making too big of a mess on my shirt. Facial compromise is continuing to improve for which I am most grateful! I am having right arm pain which is not pleasant to say the least. This is something that I have read about and watched on youtube with some A.N. patients post surgery but it generally happens as soon as surgery is over. Mine started right AFTER seeing my LA docs for the last time! Not sure at this point what to do about it, presently just trying to pray, ice and medicate it away. Gwyn has little use of her right arm as well due to an injury from a year ago that has started back up due to too much lifting. So we are a left arm only couple presently, just another thing to laugh about. Thank God He has gifted us to find humor in most things.
I mentioned in my last blog that something funny happened on our last full day in LA. We pulled up to a red light at Pacific Coast Avenue and our infamous Sepulvada Blvd and a car pulled up next to us motioning for us to roll down our window. Now in E. Tn you are fine doing that, but seeing where we were, we will admit to some slight hesitation in doing so! However, we rolled down the window and the frantic couple asked, “Can you please tell us how to get to Manhattan Beach?” I wanted to say buddy you are in Manhattan Beach, good luck maneuvering through it! But instead I leaned back so he could communicate with Gwyn my chauffeur. Not only did she tell him how to get to the closest ocean front area, but she proceeded to tell them how to quickly get to the next beach areas as well. The light turned green, we rolled up the window and kinda had one of those proud Barney Fife moments, complete with smirking mouth and lifting of the head. As many uturns as we made on Sepulvada and admittedly as many times as we had no idea where we were, we were ask for directions! And we succeeded in giving them! As funny as that moment was for us, the Holy Spirit instantly spoke to my heart. He said son, you have walked through this, found your way with My help and now use that to direct others. Wow! He is amazing! He never lets a moment go by with out teaching us in it if we will just listen. I’ve yet to completely put that all together, but it, as I, am a work in progress. It was just one of those amazing God moments that I would not trade for anything !
There are so many people that Gwyn and I want to thank, but once again I have been long winded and out of space on this post, so til next time, love always, Bro. Tony
Amazing how things have come full circle. It’s January 19th, 2010 and just like a few days ago, we wait. I was sitting in this very waiting area on January 5th the day before surgery. The appts. were to make sure I was healthy enough to be sick. Now we wait for appts. to tell us I am healthy enough to go home. There were many questons then and still some now ….just different ones. I know all my preacher ‘buds’ will have all the answers for me when I get home. By the way, Dave, Tim, Nathan and Jim…Mexican Food in Jeff City better than Cali.:) It’s full circle because it is the night before we fly back home and I can remember when we left. It’s full circle because now we embark on a road of recovery and reflection whereas before a road of preparation and resound. My faith is richer but my God is the same. My friends are dearer, my family is more grateful. Many lifes have been effected by this circle of events. Life and the quality of it is precious. It was once said that one’s faith is like film. It is develeoped in the dark. That may be true. However, it still takes light to develope the picture it’s just a different kind of light. Many of you have been sources of light to help in a time like this.
It is now 8:15 p.m. Cali time and many of you are in fact, asleep. Something pretty funny happened tonight while we were out; even though it made us chuckle, the Spirit also used it to drive home a very important fact that all of this is about! I will share tomorrow when I am again ‘home sweet home’. Please know as we prepare to head back home Gwyn and I are in deepest gratitude for the many ways you have helped us on this journey. We leave for Knoxville tomorrow (Wed.) morning and will arrive approx. 9:45 p.m. We will take Thursday to recover from the trip and spend some time with our children. I will then write a final blog of praise for how God used so many of you to bless us. Pray for no delays at LAX and that Gwyn can keep up with me [shouldn't be a problem] Until Earnest T’s feet hit Tennessee soil. Love you all and Praise to our Father ! Bro.Tony
I am two days away from the 2 month mark post surgery, so hard to believe. I am continuing to improve in all ways and praise our Heavenly Father in all things!
